Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor is an ABOMINATION UNTO GOD OUR LORD

Today is the 72nd anniversary 
of that day that will live in infamy:
The land with the big fancy signage would of course go on to immortalize this day through the movies
most notably with Tora, Tora, Tora
And the countless documentaries made since:
But this post is not so much about that as it is about
the most god awful movie ever forced upon the masses.
Pearl Harbor (Pg-13 Theatrical Cut)
So let me begin with this review 

from Nostalgia Critic

 

This godawful piece of shit is the most offensive movie I have ever seen.

Now the R rated directors cut that has a very good 4 disc DVD package and is a slight improvement but in its PG-13 version it is

an abomination unto . . .

thee Lord our God.
It’s one of those movies that you just want to put into your Final Cut Pro and cut out about 2 hours.

What kills me with this movie is it’s romanticism. Having been in the military the one thing that I really got out of it was that it DE-mystified the romanticism of the military that I grew up on. You remember, that feeling that all those people had after 9/11 that made them sign up. 

Fortunately in this life we have something called reality and long term consequences for our actions and there is nothing romantic about it. 
Pearl Harbor in it’s opening moments romanticizes this era to the hilt and then some. Apparently, Mr. Bay thought it would be most excellent to make a movie that was like those movies back in the forties and he certainly succeeded here.
But what I found most insulting is that due to budget Disney basically cut off his balls and sold them to satan removing any soul this movie may have had. 
The effects look like a video game.
There is so much time building a love triangle of 
WHAT THE FUCKNESS???
With an actor, who at the time I had zero respect for, and Josh Hartnet whom I had not recalled seeing in a movie up to that point but would definitely redeem himself with ‘Sin City.’ And of course Liv Tyler that all you can think won the born into royalty power ball lottery. So you have three beautiful people actors trying to emote to a script that has every cliche movie scene in the history of movies.

The love triangle is so fucked up I can’t even contemplate the fuckery bullshit that, that it is.

So let’s get to my Final Cut version that I would have done. Take out that goddamn love triangle and now you have the historical context with FDR and those pesky Japanese peoples.

But even this is done in Transformers highly fast cut and edited horribleness. 

Also, let’s say a fuck you to historical accuracy. 
Did FDR really make a motivational speech and then 
rise up from his wheelchair like 
Dr. FUCKING Strangelove???

Oh, and that whole 

30 seconds over Tokyo payback after?? 
Um no.

Alec Baldwin as Jimmy Doolittle?? 

HELL TO THE FUCKING NO!!!!

Let’s just get really known actors to play historical figures 

without even making an attempt to make them look 
like a doppleganger to said historical figurehead.

But enough of my ranting about this unholy piece of shit. 
Here’s the making of Documentary which I find to be completely fascinating in that 
their heart was in the right place but Michael Bay had no business doing this movie. 
Tora, Tora, Tora proves you don’t have to make an R rated movie to be a compelling classic 
and Pearl Harbor tried to do Titanic meets Saving Ryan’s Privates.

SO in Conclusion and Summary:


FUCK THIS 
GOD AWFUL 
OFFENSIVE 
FUCKERY 
😛

Bonus video that conveys my emotions to this
ABOMINATION UNTO 
GOD OUR LORD!!!
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