My very brief history as an Amazon movie critic

These are all the reviews I wrote on Amazon.com way back in the foul year of our lord 2000:

so bad it’s fascinating
April 12, 2000
There are bad movies and then there are bad movies which are so bad thier fascinating to watch over and over again.Who knew Verhoven could direct such a diabolical piece of trash? Who would have thought Berkley would ever play such a part(Im sure she was trying to distance herself from her Saved By The Bell image)? This movie is fascinating in that its portrayed as a serious drama but it all comes out in a very funny way.Terrible acting all around and a truly bad script.This is the Plan 9 From Outer Space of the nineties.

psychotically 
      terrible
April 12, 2000
When I first saw the theatrical teaser trailer in theaters I thought this was going to be amazing. A fresh look at a true classichow wrong I was. I was sure that this was going to be on the same level of what Scorsesse did for his Cape Fear remake. Then I heard it was a shot for shot remake just in color. This, mind you, is not a remake its plagerism in the worst degree. I saw it in the theater and was just disgraced. Then I rented it on DVD and it was just more of a disgrace.The commentary on the DVD is incredibly annoying. Especially Anne Heche you really get the feel that she doesnt really regard the original very highly here. The costume design on Heche is terrible and that shower scene with the intercut lightning? Its just distracting and takes you out of the scene. This movie could have been extremly horrific if it had been handled in a nineties fashion.Major dissapointment all around. END

(it should be noted that ever since i saw vince vaughns norman baits i’ve had a very hard time taking him serioulsy as an actor tho i did like him in starsky and hutch)

30th disgrace

April 2, 2000

What happened? Night of the living dead is one of the all time classics of horror.This limited edition of only 15000 (thank god) is terrible. Terrible soundtrack, terrible making of featurrette, terrible new scenes, etc. Oh and that score for the original come on what are they thinking??? No wonder these where the people who brought you Santa Claws.The only good thing to come out of this was that unbelievable crystal clear quality of the original. Given that quality, a score approved by director romero, and commentary with romero you’ve got a winner. Fortunately, one already exists. Dont waste your time on this one.

(little did I know that 10 years later I would friend request thee Debbie Rochon on the Facebook who played the reporter in this version, fortunately she is very cool and didn’t delete me because of this universal hatred for this particular blasphemous version)

Limited Edition Rulez
April 2, 2000

Those of you who have the special limited edition of Army have been truly blessed.Presented here is an eye opening directors cut (with commentary by cambell and raimi) along with 4 deleted scenes that didnt get put back in.Also included is the theatrical release (for u studio purists) and everything that was put on the re-release video.A great movie made even better.

DEATH BY DAWN!!!

April 2, 2000 

(this was before the special edition came out)

The only reason I got this DVD was because I had the Evil Dead and Army special editions. And no evil collection is complete without that all important second chapter.Dont get me wrong I love this movie. But having this as the only DVD out there for ed2 is a travesty.Makers of DVD please give us a special edition of evil dead 2 that we can all be proud of. I beg u
crystal clear gore feast
April 2, 2000
Bruce Cambells commentary on the special edition DVD is worth the price of this disc alone. He tells with amazing professional accuracy how the film took 4 years to make and the trials and tribulations of the shoot.The 20 minutes of alt. takes and behind the scenes footage is a must see for any collector of this genre.Forget that other evil dead DVD this is the one to see.

criterion edition rulez

April 2, 2000

The most annoying thing for DVD fanatics is a movie that comes out on DVD with no bonus materials which is then re-issued with a ton on them.Rushmore is one such case.For one it was really expensive almost 30 dollars. You get so much more for an extra 10 dollars here. And at amazon with a price of 30 dollars you cant go wrong.The commentary is great. The Charlie Rose show with an interview by Murray, and director Wes Anderson (done separatly is also great). The making of documentary is done exceptionally well and the spoofs of armageddon, the truman show, and out of sight from the mtv movie awards are hilarious.

You can never go wrong with criterion

criterion dvd review

April 2, 2000

Im not going to read all 843 reviews so i figure “there are many like it but this one is mine.”When I first saw this movie in the theater I hated it. I still hate it. Is it possible that u could have so much action in a movie that it bores u senseless? Yes it is.Ok now for the DVD criterion collection I absolutely loved it. First of all an unrated directors cut that has a store security sticker that says must be 18 to purchase. Well, criterion has never let me down so i got. The extra material really make this movie a whole lot better. Not this added footage in the movie mind you but michael bays commentary is definately a plus.Also a highlight on this is the gag reel. Its totally uncensored stuff and its great. Theres also a great technical commentary as well as excellent production making of featuretts.Definately not the greatest movie of all time but for the person who loves movie making this is the 1 for u.

Criterion the only     
                    way to go    
April 2, 2000

I was going up and down the bins of DVD section at my local record store and just about had a heart attack when i saw criterion put out SOTL on DVD.Years ago i saw this one in the laser disc bin and had always wanted to see it. Finally I have it and its great.The commentary really makes this a collectors item along with the deleted scenes.One of the best psychological thrillers of all time.Make your DVD collection complete with this criterion edition.


robocop X
April 2, 2000

The unrated directors cut of robocop is the reason I bought a dvd player. When it came out on laserdisc years ago i begged my parents to buy me 1 so i could see it they then looked at the price of the player and the robocop laser disc and flipped out. Later i found a book called the cutting room floor and it eased my pain of not being able to see it.Now i have it on dvd criterion and i couldnt be more thrilled with it. Although it doesnt have that much extra material it does change the feel of the movie. At the beginning when the executive gets blown away and some1 says “will some1 call a g.d. ambulance” is now hilarious and murphy’s death has a much more lasting impact. Murphy’s death is the most sadistic i have ever seen in a movie and with the added details its almost impossible to watch albeit there r some very noticeable editing spots in it. The commentary is really good pointing out the only time verhoven has ever appeared in one of his movies and how orion felt about the movie in general.This movie is one of the all time sci-fi classics and probably the most adult ever made definately not for the jar jar binks crowd.
holy mother load

April 2, 2000

WOW! What an amazing DVD or shall i say 3 DVDS.I had never seen this movie before i bought this collection but i knew all about the battle of brazil from a book called the cutting room floor.If you have absolutely nothing to do for this next week sit down and go through this set. Although a week might not be enough time.Watching the love conquers all version is appalling without the commentary and the transfer just looks terrible without widescreen.

The Gilliam transfer is beautifully done and the bonus materials will leave you with no doubt about the films meaning.This is criterions absolute best DVD that i have seen from them. A must for the DVD and movie fanatic.

out of print limited edition luck

April 2, 2000

I didnt even know this went out of print. What a tragedy. This criterion collection rules. Two audio commentarties an excellent one by spinal tap (themselves) and two hours of bonus material. The deleted scene with bruno kirby in the hotel room is classic and the dos sub-plot is hilarious.
Theres also a lot of tidbits like the cheese rolling films and hell hole vid.A must own criterion collection DVD.
DVD is WINNING!!!

April 2, 2000

Although I prefer the truman show over edtv comparing DVDs is a no brainer.You get so much more here. Two audio commentaries, deleted scenes, a making of featurrette, and some other tidbits.I still feel that this movie is a real sick look at societies obsession with television and this dvd reinforces this viewpoint.The extra features really make this movie a treasure for any collection.

hampster factors

April 2, 2000
After buying the criterion collection of Brazil i waited no longer to buy 12 monkeys DVD collectors edition.The making of documentary which runs almost 90 minutes is one the best making of a movie accounts I’ve ever seen. The only 2 that i have seen that have surpassed this was hearts of darkness (the making of apocolypse now) and under pressure (the making of the abyss).

The audio commentary only adds to the genius and madness of terry gilliam.A true gilliam masterpiece made even better.A must own DVD for any collector.

scarface thee DVD

April 2, 2000


The only thing negative about this DVD was the packaging. I bought this in complete faith that the extra material would be killer. And it it did not disappoint.The making of documentary is completly uncensored and gives great insight into the making of the movie by depalma, stone, pacino, and bregman among others who participated in the making of it. Also, the outtakes are great to have for any collector.The movie of course is a classic and not to be missed.
DVD a little disappointing
April 2, 2000
I first saw this movie on television and loved it. Although it was edited for tv i knew this was a classic. I then rented it and although it was even better as an r-rated feature it was slightly changed. Music had been replaced in certain scenes such as when jj leigh is walking down the high school hallway to a great tom petty tune it had been replaced by a much more depressing number(on the vhs version, thankfully the dvd has the tom petty number). And some of my favorite scenes in the movie were takin’ out like brads visit to the guidance counselor.

This is a movie that is begging, kicking, and screaming for a directors cut.Also, the reliving our fast times documentary could have been better. Its mostly about how they got the cast. Not a lot of insight into the making of the movie.However, this DVD redeems itself by an outstanding commentary track by the director and writer. THEY KEEP TALKING ALMOST 10 MINUTES AFTER THE FINAL CREDITS! All in all this is a classic worhty of 5 stars but for a DVD a little dissapointing.







thee one, thee ONLY!!!

April 2, 2000

Probably the greatest musical of all time has made its way unto DVD. This expanded version is excellent, though it was dissappointing to learn that a lot of extra material was destroyed by Universal, this version is first rate. The making of documentary is extremly informative. A must have for the true DVD collector!


killer DVD but . . .
April 2, 2000

Comparing the R-Rated version to the directors cut is like comparing a butter knife to a steak knife.I first saw this movie as an r-rated rental and loved it. I immediately knew this movie was going to be the citizen kane of the nineties. I mean look at these reviews its either 1 star or 5. Citizen Kane got the same if not worse reviews when it came out. The same can be said for Disney’s Fantasia (1940).The directors cut is my absolute favorite film of all time. Nothing can compare to this onslaught to the senses. The music is incredible and stones drug hazed perception of society is dead on.Additions to the DVD is obviously the commentary but wheres the 9 inch nails vid and the introduction to the movie?

Anyone who is as obsessed about the movie as I am I highly recommend a book called ‘Killer Instinct’ by Producer Jane Hamsher.

Psycho (collector’s edition DVD)
April 2, 2000
Well what is there left to say that has not been said said here already? This is the first DVD i ever bought and let me say it was no disappointment. The extras r to die 4 especially the making of documentary. It almost an hour and a half long! A have DVD for any collection.





nightmares 

on DVD, oh my 

April 2, 2000

I’ve loved this movie since I was 7 years old and it still holds up 17 years later.The first story still has the power to give u a really good shock.The second ‘bishop of battle’ is my personal favorite and anyone who is a video game freak should love it.The 3rd is reminiscient of spielbergs Dual.And the 4th should scare anyone who has a rat phobia.Although a great and underappreciated horror movie the DVD could have used some bonus material. But all we get here is a full framed version (probably the way it was filmed since it was originally meant for television) and the trailer.Oh well, this a must see for any serious horror buff.

commentary better than the movie

April 2, 2000

I first saw the movie about 10 years ago and thought it was one of the greatest movies i had seen since a clockwork orange. A couple years ago i read a book called sex pistols and america which was about thier tour of america and i realized that there were a lot of inaccuracies about the movie in particular the stuff with the sex pistols. But everything after the pistols break up in the movie still really affects me like no other movie can.This DVD is amazing for historical accuracy. The commentary is outstanding and the stuff from DOA is downright disturbing.

The only problem with the disc is that on the grundy show and the making of documentary they couldnt get the rights to use any of the sex pistols songs so they have been dubbed over with really annoying laughter.This DVD is a must for sex pistols collectors.

DVD ROCKS the house
April 2, 2000
I first became aware of the Apollo 13 mission when i saw a documentary on TBS called moonshot. Its an amazing account of the mercury, gemini, and apollo missions. Any1 reading this needs to go and rent it at your local video store if you can find it.As for this DVD its amazing. The audio commentary by Jim and Marilyn Lovell is among the best i have ever heard. And the making of documentary is great as well.For the DVD fanatic u cant go wrong this collection.



the feast of friends
April 2, 2000
For anyone who has seen the home video version of dance on fire u havent seen it until u have viewed this collection. A new director approved L.A. Woman is worth the price of this DVD alone. The end has been excluded from this version but dont fret because its on live at the hollywood bowl. The commentary is outstanding and the bonus material is great. A must for any Doors fan.

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