Australia the movie (a review by Art Holmes)

The following is taken verbatim from a Facebook note:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

baz luhrmann can kiss my ass. what a shitty God awful movie. this is basically a test of patience of how long u can hang in there with the cliched plot that only people who thought kangaroo jack was brilliant could love. i was actually looking forward to seeing this movie. the previews for it looked like it was going to be a true story history lesson about the origins of australia and the people who lived there. i should know better. going back to when i saw the previews for ‘traffic’ and thought it looked like something michael bay would have done and thought it was going to be awful but came away from it thinking it should have won best picture but as we all know gladiator was triumphant while soderburgh? won best director. I’ve always thought that one should have been the other way around.

so back to the enigma of the director mr spazz. i wonder if some filmakers like the previous mentioned bay grew up in such privilege they have no idea how to make a movie about real people. i guess spazz grew up in australia and the cinematography is something else. i really wish i could have seen this on blu-ray DTS it would have been somewhat tolerable but instead watched it on a very nice widescreen panasonic with surround sound that was well hooked up by people that dont know the first thing about surround sound and need an upgrade to their dvd player which i think only has stereo outputs hooked up thru a very good receiver. Over the christmas holiday I was invited to a party where we watched ‘mama mia’ on blue ray and bose surround sound. another shitty movie of significance but their system was the best one i’ve ever seen and heard and it actually made for a very good viewing experience.

and whats with the use of ‘over the rainbow’????? i did like a couple of musical cues in this. the scene with the cattle rushing the music is quite good but damn those close ups super imposed on blue screen background. WOW amazingly terrible. what person acts like that??? at least the annoying cheesy older guy died at the end of the scene but not before saying something that was vital to the plot by which time i was so lost that I had no idea what it meant cause it was his dying breath and as much as i would have liked this to have been a ‘realistic’ portrayal thankfully there was no mention of ‘mama mia’ as his last words.

theres a lot of drinking in this movie which i’ve always been fine with but boy i never knew australians had such a fixation on rum?

kidman and jackman hooking up, breaking up, jack thinking kiddo dying? (ala a reverse pearl harbor) was my thought. at no time during this did i actually have sympathy for the plight of the characters.the bad guys are terribly cliched with bad acting or did they just have an overdose of the spazz? this movie sais it takes place in 1939 but we are to assume that it goes to about 1942? we are never told this so i dont know if it was a true story or true bullshit (i’m thinking the latter) but if you dont know anything about history (like the really cool people who invited me to watch this movie and gave me the choice of this or road to adanthe? or whatever nicoholas spark’s book that is that I’ve already seen and have no desire of seeing again ) i would have choosen to rewatch that.

whats with the kid in the movie and the native dude that reminded me of the indian in oliver stones movie the doors? or more accurately the parody of the indian from waynes world 2. i also had a hard time following the story line cause it does take place over a number of years but the whole cattle business of beef that wasnt about beef or something and thats my son no its not dont call me daugher thing was just very confusing.and whats with the kid? what kind of people r these doing this cattle drive. and then when their done with the cattle kidman coming into town like shes saved the day, hero music blaring, then going to the bar to drink more rum. but wait shes a women in 1940??? so she cant drink with the men but bushman jack or whatever type of bushman he was saves the day and the kidman drinks with the men and jack and nic have really lame sex for a pg13 movie.

the main thought i had during this is what would ang lee have done? he directed brokeback mountain, crouching tiger hidden dragon, and has an incredible talent for set design and capturing a certain time period. brokeback is a movie i feel is worth watching at least once but since im not gay (seriously im not) a repeat viewing i will not be having. i do understand that if you do happen to bat that way and have been doing so since the 1950’s its probably one of your favorite movies and deservedly so. on the other hand i watched another ang lee movie the other week called ‘the ice storm’ and has the worst sex scene i’ve ever seen in a movie. but still is a really good movie and feels very real and authentic.

so australia the movie at nearly 3 hours is a massive piece of shit and it pains me that with the money waisted on this travesty the amount of people who could have actually been helped in the real world.

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